Posted Apr 09, 2026
Posted Apr 09, 2026
It’s day 14, my last day in residency, and much like the weather here in Dayton, I’m facing the high/lows. It’s a lone high, getting back home to my family, imbalanced against a barrage of lows.
Tomorrow, the floodgates open. Back to adulting, teaching, to-do lists, grading, cooking, cleaning, laundry and making my own bed in an attempt to create that tight, military grade precision that is just not in my wheelhouse, but that I will miss greatly.
Upon my arrival, I laid out 14 sticky notes and slapped them to my bathroom door so that I could “x” them off each night. I fear it makes the cleaning crew nervous as the whole room is slathered in sticky notes, giving off a “murder board” vibe, but that is precisely what I set out to do: slaughter, slice, gut and butcher my novel’s first draft.
There’s the flip side too: resurrect, craft, draft and build. The countdown on my bathroom door is not intended as a prisoner-waiting-down-the-clock kind of way but more so in a maximizing gratefulness move. Fourteen delicious days. That’s 42 meals, 56 teas, 53,843 steps, 153 pages of revision, 42 pages of new material and one lush robe that will hang in a spot of reverence in my closet until I croak.
With this experience fresh in my mind, I would like to leave you future winners (I’m looking at you), with some hot tips for the residency.
1. Pregame by practicing silent mediation a week before you leave. This is a tip for all participants at EBWW. You’ll be in heavy conversation for three straight days, and you won’t know to say your name by Saturday night. You’ll return to this state come Sunday and will want to be comfortable with those long stretches of solitude. Namaste.
2. Bring a backpack. Eventually, you’ll want to emerge into the outside world. Wear it to the University of Dayton library so you “blend in.” You’ll most likely have decades on the undergrads, but the pack will give you, as the kids say, “cred.”
3. About a month before, invest in the company, Post-it® because (see above) they are about to see an uptick in revenue. Get multi-colored and varying sizes. Do yourself a solid and stuff your suitcase with three-to-four pieces of chart paper with the good adhesive (this is not a time for off-brand) that clings to the Marriott’s finely texturized walls so you can cart your crazy home.
4. Get witchy on it. No joke, I manifested for weeks before the winners were announced. “Call me, Dayton! Call me, Erma!” was my daily mantra. When Dayton (aka Teri) did call, I lost it! (After I hung up with Teri, I passed a lending library with an Erma book inside. That sweet, cheeky woman!) Keep the mantras flowing because it worked for our girl Erma. You can write!
5. Sticky fingers are your friend. Load up on creamers, teas and sugar (if that’s your jam) when the conference is going and any time you pass the cleaning cart. You’re going to want to caffeinate through those epically long stretches of writing.
6. Make friends at the conference. This is probably the most supportive group of creatives, coming together to cheer each other on. Find your people and don’t cry when they leave you on Sunday with snacks from their hometown, lifted cutlery and baggies for leftovers, and a cozy blanket that makes your hotel room home.
7. Lastly, give thanks. I don’t need to tell you this because we are a collective in gratitude, but as you click-clack away on your keyboard, hold the support of this community and our Queen Bee Erma in your heart. You are here because of the extraordinary path that she paved. Hold this honor tight, and take it with you home, letting it fuel your writing into the world.
— Gretchen Cion
Gretchen Cion is a multi-genre writer, filmmaker and educator teaching at Berkeley City College. She is the creator of Poetic Playlist, an online writing class for girls and gender-expansive youth. Gretchen is currently working on a debut novel, Trust Me, as well as an essay collection, For Shame and Other Fun Feelings! for which she has endless material. She is one of two 2026 grand prize winners of A Hotel Room of One’s Own: The Erma Bombeck Humorist-in-Residence Program sponsored by the University of Dayton’s Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.